How to Tell Your Family/Friends You're Moving Abroad (Without Causing a Meltdown)
So, you're ready to embark on a life-changing adventure and move abroad. You have done all of the research. You’ve started selling things you no longer need. You have even made a scouting trip to your chosen location. You’ve done all of the personal reflection and soul searching possible before jumping into this move. You have been through every emotional high and low possible, asking yourself, “Can I really do this?” so many times that you’re finally sure the answer is “yes!”
Now there’s just one more hurdle to clear before you start packing your bags and experiencing sunsets on foreign shores, there's a crucial step: telling your family and friends.
This can feel like navigating a minefield, right? You're excited, but you know they're likely to have concerns, maybe even well-thought out objections. “Are you going to be safe out there all by yourself?” “What about coming home for Christmas? We always see you then.” and “Do you even know the language there?” After years of moving abroad married/solo and even as a single mom, trust me, I've heard it all! Everything from “Are you sure this is the responsible thing to do?” to “What about your children’s education?” and finally, “Is it really safe there for single women alone?” How did I manage these conversations and how do I help my clients? That is what this article is all about.
I remember one client, Sarah, a single mom, who was terrified to tell her parents she was moving to Costa Rica with her young daughter. Her parents were very traditional and worried about her daughter's education. Sarah spent weeks agonizing over how to break the news to them that she was ready to go. Afterall, their fears were valid and even made her consider not going a few times. Another client, Mark, a recent retiree, faced resistance from his grown children who were worried about him being so far away from them and familiar healthcare. While Mark was nervous too, he knew that this move would ultimately be better for his health and his family relationships.
These clients both experienced incredibly common reactions by their families. That's why I've put together some actionable tips to help you navigate "The Talk" with your family as smoothly as possible.
Navigating the Conversation: Tips and Real-Life Scenarios
We all love our family and friends. You respect their points of view and even allow their fears to give you pause. However, you also know that moving abroad isn’t a decision made lightly. You’ve thought about all of the possibilities, watched all the YouTube videos, and researched every single aspect involved in setting up your new life. But none of that prepared you for the biggest obstacle: The Fears of Your Family and Friends.
How do you navigate those crucial discussions without completing cutting ties with your loved ones? Maybe some of those relationships will fade or possibly, need to pause while you both process this new phase in your life. But before you jump at “cutting everyone off” and “go it alone”, let’s talk about a few strategies you can and should try when having these delicate conversations. Below, I have some helpful tips …..
Timing is Everything. Seriously! Don't drop this bombshell during Thanksgiving dinner or at your grandpa's 90th birthday party. Choose a time and place where you can have an open, honest, and uninterrupted conversation. A quiet afternoon at home, a one-on-one coffee date, or even a dedicated video call (if you can't be there in person) is ideal.
Present a United Front : If you're moving with a partner or spouse, make sure you're both completely on board and can present a united front to your children or extended family. Disagreements or uncertainties between you will only amplify their concerns.
Mark and his wife, Susan, had several conversations before telling their children of their plans, making sure to be in agreement about what they wanted, and why. They even included their adult daughter in some of the planning in order to make her feel more comfortable with their move.
Focus on the "Why": Clearly articulate your personal reasons for wanting to move. Highlight the positive aspects of relocation, focusing on your own needs, desires, and aspirations. Avoid making it sound like you're running away from something. Frame it as running towards something better.
Instead of: "I'm just so fed up with everything here. The politics, the economy… it's all a mess!"
Try: "I've been feeling incredibly burnt out lately. I believe moving to Bali will allow me to slow down, reconnect with nature, focus on my well-being, and finally pursue my passion for yoga."
Acknowledge Their Concerns Before They Even Voice Them: Refer back to the common anxieties we discussed in the previous blog post about relocation fears. Showing that you understand where they're coming from is key.
Instead of: Dismissing their concerns with “you just don’t understand me (my needs)”
Try: “Mom, Dad (best friend, favorite uncle, brother/sister),
I know you're probably worried about my savings (health/safety), especially with me wanting to move all the way to Italy(Thailand/Mexico/Albania). I want to assure you I've been doing a ton of research, and the cost of living there, even in beautiful Tuscany, is surprisingly manageable. I've also looked at healthcare options. I wanted to be prepared before discussing this with you. I am willing to answer any questions you have.
Be Prepared to Patiently Answer Their Questions: Your family will likely have a barrage of questions. Be patient, understanding, and prepared to answer them honestly and thoroughly. If you don’t have all of the answers (and you likely won’t), write them down and tell them that you will add it to your list for your relocation coach, visa consultant, or research search-engine. Avoid getting defensive or dismissive.
Back Up Your Dream with Facts: Don't just talk about your "dream life." Back it up with solid facts and figures. Show them your research on cost of living, healthcare options, safety statistics, job opportunities (if applicable), and visa requirements. The more prepared you are, the more confident they'll feel.
Mark’s Strategy: He prepared a booklet of information for his family, that included maps, new address, and even a local contact they could reach out to if they hadn’t heard from Mark and his wife in a timely manner.
Offer Potential Solutions: For every concern they raise, offer a potential solutions. This demonstrates that you've thought things through carefully and are committed to making it work. Ask them what they need to overcome their fears.
Instead of: Getting defensive when they say, "But we'll never see you!"
Try: "I know it will be harder to see each other as often, but we can schedule regular video calls, and I promise to come back to visit as often as possible. And of course, you're always welcome to come visit me!"
Give Them Time to Process : Don't expect your family to immediately embrace the idea with open arms. Give them time to process the information, digest their emotions, and come to terms with your decision.
It's important to remember that every family is different and conversations will be too, but that ultimately, this is your (and your partner’s) decision. If you feel comfortable, confident and ready, it is going to obvious to your family and friends. The bottom line is: You are making this move for your own personal reasons and no one else really has to understand or “get onboard” if they don’t want to. Life is short and meant to be lived to the fullest, even if that means taking a step back from family and friends, to do it.
Final thoughts: Moving away from everything that I knew and understood at the age of 20 was both the scariest and the best thing I ever did in my life. Was it hard? YES. Did I loose some friends and strain family connections? YES But here’s the thing (there’s always a thing, right?), I discovered I was not only stronger and more resilient that I gave myself credit for, but I also learned to love and appreciate my family and friends in an entirely new way. I learned that when I stepped into my own peace, I was able to grow in so many ways. AND so will you.
Struggling to find the right words? Need help preparing for "The Talk"? Book a Free 15-Minute Ask Me Anything Session to strategize how to talk to your family effectively and with empathy.
Michelle is a Certified Global Mobility Specialist with 25 years experience helping US Army civilians and families relocate around the world. She has a Master’s Degree is Social Work and is a Certified Relocation Coach. Michelle has moved 26 times to more than 9 countries with 3 children and eventually, as a solo female traveller. Currently, she lives between Tirana, Albania and Krakow, Poland.
The Next Chapter Nomads Approach: Personalized Guidance Based on Your Unique Goals, Budget and Lifestyle
The L.E.V.E.L. U.P.™ Method Can Help! Our framework includes tools and strategies to help you communicate your vision clearly, address your family's concerns with sensitivity, and ultimately, create a supportive environment for your relocation journey. We provide personalized guidance based on your unique goals, budget, and lifestyle. Discover how our L.E.V.E.L. U.P.™ Method can empower you to have a productive and positive conversation with your family. Learn more about the 7 steps here!
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